The Christmas/New Year’s Eve Interlude

People smile, say “Merry Christmas!” and then live the next 6 days in utter misery as they wait for New Year’s Eve.

They just zip through the “Christmas/New Year’s Interlude” without much thought.

This got me thinking… linking behavioral expectations to certain days seems to help people focus. For example, on Christmas I give gifts. On Thanksgiving I eat turkey and see my family. On my birthday I fuck my harem of indentured servants.

a few members of my harem

So lets focus on this “Interlude” for a moment and make it special, like a holiday, so that next year you can use the time more productively.

What if you tried very hard for just these 5 days to focus on the little things that make your life move? Not the “big” New Year’s resolution that you’ll forget by January 21st. I’m talking more about things like washing the dishes after dinner each night, or feeding your pets.

Could you do these things better? I’m thinking that yes, you could.

Could you put your clothes on faster? How about showering? During the “Interlude” try cutting your shower time by a minute. Then, during the day, spend that entire minute telling someone close to you that you really love them. See what happens. Did they get sick of you after 20 seconds?

Then maybe you need to find a new lover. Congratulations, you have made the interlude work for you.

Do you tailgate? I know I do.

During the “Interlude” try not to tailgate everyone. Instead, focus only on those drivers who “need to learn how to drive.” Then, you’ll have a little extra negative energy stored up that you can use elsewhere.

I suggest taking that saved negative energy to start a war with your neighbor. For example, my neighbor blows leaves onto my property when I’m not home. But you see, he’s a silly idiot. I work from home, so who do you think is going to win that battle? The moment I see him back down his driveway to head out to his job as “office slave,” I return the favor. Meanwhile we both pretend that we don’t know what’s going on.

“Where’d all the leaves come from this year?” Duh.

A silent war like that takes a lot of energy. Again, save up some negativity during the “Interlude” and unleash it when you really need it.

That’s making the “Interlude” work for you; that’s time well spent.

Now, I’m not sure if this idea will “go national” or anything. It certainly won’t help the economy or enslave the lower and middle class, so I can’t see the government sponsoring the idea. When is the last time the government really helped you anyway?

Forget it. 2012 is all about empowering yourself. Use “The Lude” well.
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note: this was originally published to my blogspot in 2007. that said, the message is as relevant today as it was back then.

Empower yourself in 2012. Follow me on Twitter.

Not all of my posts are “fucking hilarious.” Some are downright depressing like this one. Others are about buying beer. I even write about God and mexican food.

One response

  1. Hmmm, my neighbors on both sides are 80 years old or higher so I think I will lay off that one. I will ask my wife if I can have a lover for a bit, will use that extra minute saved from the shower, thanks! Happy New Year!

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